Social Media and Cheating

In the digital age, cheating is more complicated than it used to be. Not everyone who cheats sneaks off to see someone else or even meets up in person. Nowadays, people cheat using their phone from the comfort of home, sometimes while their partner is in the room with them. 

At Seeking Integrity, we understand how severely cheating can impact relationships. That’s why we have all master’s and PhD-level clinicians who specialize in treating sex addiction and chronic infidelity.

How to Define Cheating

To understand how social media and cheating work, we must first define what cheating is. In his book Out of the Doghouse, Seeking Integrity’s founding director, Dr. Robert Weiss, defines cheating as “the breaking of trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your primary romantic partner.” According to Dr. Rob’s definition, cheating is defined less by the action and more by the breaking of trust.

So, if your partner is using social media to flirt or sext with other people and hides it from you, lies to you about it, or does it knowing that it hurts you, your partner is definitely cheating. Not all cheating has to go as far as having an actual sexual or emotional affair with another person.

Using Social Media to Cheat

There are many ways that people use social media to cheat. Here are a few examples.

• Sending inappropriate photos. It is common for people to flirt on social media by sending photos back and forth. Some photos are obviously OK to send to friends, but if you’re sending nude or flirtatious photos, that likely counts as cheating. 
• Liking or commenting on photos to get attention. If you’re liking or commenting on photos to get attention and keeping that behavior secret from your partner, that’s a form of cheating. For example, if you repeatedly like the pictures of models, sex workers, or even past partners, you could be trying to get more.
• Using an alternate or fake account. If you’ve created an alternate, fake, or hidden social media account, you’re likely cheating or planning to cheat.
• Sexting or flirting on social media. A common way that people cheat on social media is by striking up intimate conversations on social media. This might be with an ex, a coworker, or a total stranger. Regardless, if you’re already in a relationship, sexually or romantically explicit communication with someone other than your partner isn’t appropriate.

Virtual Flirting

Just because flirting isn’t happening in person doesn’t make it OK. Some people believe that because it’s virtual, it doesn’t hurt their partner like a real-life interaction would. The idea that it’s not cheating because it isn’t physical—yet—doesn’t hold up. The truth is that betrayal is betrayal, even if it happens online.

If you’re using social media or apps to find people to flirt with, this is likely to qualify as cheating. You might tell yourself that you don’t intend to follow through in real life, but your behavior is still not OK. Emotional cheating undermines your relationship just like physical cheating.

What Are the Signs of Cheating on Social Media?

Deceit is the cornerstone of cheating. As such, the most significant sign of cheating is lying about social media activity, particularly romantic or sexual activity.

Other signs of cheating on social media include:

• Increased social media use. Spending a lot of time on social media or apps can be a sign that someone is using social media to cheat.
• Being secretive with the phone or computer. Changing passcodes to digital devices suggests a person is hiding something. The same is true is they start deleting texts, messages, and call logs.
• Noticeable changes in behavior. Often, when a person begins cheating online (or in person), their behavior will change. Sometimes they overcompensate with excessive kindness or by pushing their partner away with blame and anger.
• New or unexplained expenses. Unexplained expenses can be a sign of cheating. The cheater could be spending money on OnlyFans, buying gifts for an affair partner, etc.
• Changes in sexual behavior. A person who is cheating on their spouse might become less interested in sex at home, or they will want to try new things in bed. This may be the result of online (or in person) cheating.

Talking to Your Partner About Cheating

If you’re worried about cheating, it’s essential to be able to bring your concerns to your partner. You should have a mutual understanding about what is and isn’t OK. So, if you believe that your partner is using social media to cheat, you should confront them and highlight the ways that they are breaking boundaries. If your partner cheats chronically, starting therapy would help. Having a therapist as a mediator will help the two of you work through the hurt and distrust your partner has caused.

Infidelity Therapy in Los Angeles, CA

Cheating on social media doesn’t make it any less harmful. Something has got to change. If your partner has a chronic cheating problem, infidelity therapy will help.

In infidelity therapy, your partner will learn about why what they’ve done counts as cheating. They’ll learn to understand the impact that their infidelity has on you and your relationship.

Cheating is never okay and shouldn’t be dismissed, even if it’s “just” on social media.

Seeking Integrity provides expert support to both betrayed partners and cheaters seeking to change their behavior and rebuild trust. We exclusively treat people with sex and porn addictions, so we are indeed experts at what we do. We also have weekly alumni groups that people travel from all over the world to attend. For more information, please call us at 1-747-922-6127. We will be happy to help you or your loved one get started on the pathway to healing.

Seeking Integrity: Integrity. Expertise. Recovery.